Welcome back to week 4 and another Tuesday installment of Confessions of a Merchant Services Salesperson.
When I started this series, I thought I’d just vent a little bit about standard industry nonsense. In week 1, it was all about embracing the grind and putting in the hours. By week 2, we moved behind closed doors to talk about the stuff we only say to each other when the clients aren’t listening. And last Tuesday, we got raw about how that endless grind can sometimes feel like running full speed into a brick wall.
But as the comments and DMs kept rolling in, I realized: this is going to be a much longer series than expected. We’ve got baggage, people. Deep, therapeutic baggage.
This week, we’re pivoting away from the cold-calling battlefield and stepping right into the living room. Let’s talk about what happens after hours. Specifically, the top three things we absolutely hate to hear from family and friends the second they find out we sell merchant services.
1. “Oh, so you do scams? Like, predatory hidden fees?”
Ouch. Direct hit right to the family dinner table.
Look, I get it. The payment processing industry hasn’t exactly spent the last two decades building a reputation for saintliness. We’ve all heard of the bad actors who lock mom-and-pop shops into ironclad 48-month equipment leases for a terminal that costs $50 on eBay.
But hearing your Uncle Bob imply you’re basically a digital pirate while you’re just trying to pass the mashed potatoes? Not great.
The Reality: Those of us trying to build a sustainable career in this business actually spend half our time auditing those exact scams to save businesses money. We’re the good guys, Bob!
2. “Hey, my cousin’s roommate just opened a taco truck. Can you hook them up for free?”
Ah, the “Can you do me a favor?” trap.
For some reason, people think merchant services is like working at a clothing store where we get a 50% employee discount we can just hand out to passing acquaintances.
- What they think we do: Waive all interchange fees via magic wand.
- What actually happens: If I give away my margin, I am literally paying Visa and Mastercard out of my own pocket so your friend’s roommate can sell barbacoa.
I love a good taco, but I also love paying my house note.
3. The Dreaded: “I use Square/Shopify, so I don’t need you.”
This one hurts the most because it usually comes from the friends we actually want to help—the small business owners in our circle. They say it with this sympathetic, dismissive smile, like they’ve completely solved the credit card puzzle and we’re just obsolete door-to-door encyclopedia salesmen.
They don’t realize they are paying a flat 2.6% + $0.15 (or worse) on every single transaction, while their average ticket size means they are practically bleeding margin.
But if we try to explain interchange-plus pricing or cash discount programs over a weekend beer? Suddenly, we’re the ones making it weird and bringing work to the party. It’s a classic lose-lose.
The Moral of our Story
Selling merchant services is a bit like being a plumber. Nobody really wants to talk about how the pipes work until they break or start costing too much money—and nobody wants to think about their cousin doing the dirty work.
To my fellow sales pros out there: stay strong this week. Smile through the family dinners, nod when they ask if you can “fix their credit score” (because they don’t know the difference), and keep grinding.
What’s the worst thing a friend or family member has said to you about your job? Let me know in the comments below—I need material for the upcoming weeks!
Happy Selling,
David
